I believe this post will bless you. Being in the middle of an infertility sojourn for four years and three months, I don’t share our struggles with a lot of people. Mostly, because of the unsupportive reactions I get as a result of taking a huge step of putting myself out there and being vulnerable. In the past, these have been the responses I’ve gotten as a result of showing my vulnerability:
“May the Lord’s will be done.”
“It may not happen.”
“You should adopt.”
“You need to be happy for other people.”
“It’s going to happen.”
“How are you feeling?”
“What are your next steps?”
I don’t want people to speak words not in alignment with the Holy Bible over and into my life. I do want to adopt; however, I do want to experience pregnancy with my own eggs and husband’s sperm.
First of all, the Lord’s will is for us to be fruitful and multiply (Gen. 1:28). I also interpret His promises in Deuteronomy chapter 28 “…the fruit of your womb will be blessed” to include healthy ovaries in addition to healthy wombs and babies because fruit are mature ovaries. So those with a diagnosis of low AMH and DOR, there’s always hope. Hebrews 11:1 says “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things not seen.” I declare that our ovaries are blessed and fruitful IJN.
God knows full well the pain of infertility. That’s why He included the stories of Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Samson’s Mother, Hannah, the woman helped by prophet Elisha in the book of Kings, and Elizabeth in His word. God knows our pain very well. When someone tries to dismiss your emotional pain, know that God is there and is comforting you.
I do have a story. During our corporate fasting for two weeks earlier in January, our church held prayer and worship services three times a week in addition to Sunday service. I went to a Monday morning service at 6:00 a.m. to worship the Lord. Only the lead pastor and another congregant were there.
Toward the end of the worship service, I started crying, thinking about the due date of the twins. I made the mistake of crying and sharing at that place and time. The pastor focused on other people getting pregnant, but not me. “What are you going to do when other people get pregnant? You need to be happy for them.”
I’m not really good at sticking up for myself.
He continued, “You don’t want to be bitter and you need to be happy for other people.”
I get that people project their experiences and thoughts onto other people. It’s obvious the pastor went through a season where other people were blessed and he wasn’t. He obviously was applying and projecting his experience to this particular situation.
The pastor refused to acknowledge my pain. Instead, he was more interested in painting me as a bitter Michal. Michal, as you recall, was King David’s first wife and Saul’s daughter. Michal was upset when she saw David dancing and the Lord closed her womb. She was bitter.
I’m not bitter. I’ve made some significant strides. Some which are documented on this blog already. So, I don’t agree with his assessment that I’m a bitter person. I’m not Michal.
I will delve into this topic of Michal and the biblical women who had a temporary sojourn in infertility on another day.
On the other hand, the congregant was much more supportive. He said, “It’s going to happen. God is using your story for your ministry. It’s going to be a powerful testimony.”
The congregant was more supportive than the pastor. I’m very grateful for his encouraging and prophetic words.
The point of the story: Know that when people refuse to validate or acknowledge your pain, or try to dismiss the emotional turmoil of infertility, know that God is there and is comforting you. He is collecting your tears and recording them in His ledger (Psalm 56). I know it’s hard, but try not to take the unsupportive person’s words to heart. Instead, bury God’s promises in your heart. One of them being Genesis 1:28 be fruitful and multiply. His promises don’t exclude anyone.
I leave you with Psalm 126:5 – They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.
God is good!