What Does Dumbo Have to Do with Infertility?

First, What I’m Googling:

I need to step away from Google.  I just Googled “how to lengthen follicular phase.”  I’ve Googled that phrase before many times.  And I don’t know why I’m expecting to get different results.  The first result is a BabyCenter Board that talks about how an RE said that shorter follicular phase means declining fertility.

Continue reading “What Does Dumbo Have to Do with Infertility?”

Choosing to Adopt a Victory Mindset

Caption:  Me on top of Arthur’s Seat at Holyrood Park; Edinburgh, Scotland; July 10, 2013

This is one of my favorite gospel songs that is currently on heavy rotation on the local gospel radio station.  It’s called “I Made It” by Fantasia featuring gospel hit-maker Tye Tribbett.  It has such an encouraging message and it has a strong anointing.  I sing along to this song envisioning conquering this gigantic Everest of a mountain called infertility.  Because after all, what we are going through is very much real.  I think this song also will encourage you while you are in the thick of it.  This will be the first song I sing when this mountain is climbed, like when my husband and I climbed to the top of Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh in 2013.  Here’s a Vine video documenting the journey to the top:

[Verse 1]
I done made it through the storm and the rain
So much pressure, heartache, so much pain
I’ve been broken into pieces, maybe more
Some nights I made my bed right on the floor
The enemy really tried to take me out
Hit me with his best shot, knocked me down
But I’m still standing after all I’ve been through
I survived in all of this because of you
[Chorus]
Woah, oh oh, I made it
I made it, yeah
I made it, oh yes I did yall
I made it, still standing
I made it

[Verse 2]
I remember all those days I walked in shame
Only recognized by all of my mistakes
The ones I thought would stay walked right out the door
Swear up high though my heart can’t take no more
You’re the only one that never left me
When everybody else just didn’t care
You’re the only one that really never left me

[Chorus]
Woah, oh oh, I made it
I made it, yeah
I made it, good god almighty
I made it, still standing
I made it, I made it
I made it, I made it

[Outro]
I gotta say thank you Lord
Thank you Lord, thank you Lord
I would have never, never, never, never made it without you
Lord thank you
Oh thank you, oh thank you
Oh thank you, Oh thank you
I thank you cause I made it
I made it

Feeling Desperate. Should I Get Another Lap?

Isn’t that featured image amazing? ^ 🙂  Source

Like I’ve said before, I’ve been on this sojourn/journey for four years and now four months.  Officially, it’s been 56 tries, and 0 positive pregnancy tests, as today is CD 1.  It’s a sojourn because it’s temporary. It’s a journey because this sojourn is making me a better person.

I’m actually feeling pretty good for being CD 1.  No cramps.  I really think the serrapeptase helps with eliminating cramps.  When I didn’t take serrapeptase for a month, the cramps came back.  So I’m going to continue taking it.

No clots in my period blood when I went to use the toilet.  I did have on and off spotting since Saturday (10 dpo), which is concerning because that suggests low progesterone.  I should be getting the results soon from the NaPro panel.

It’s days like this it feels like I’m so far away from my dream.  At least I don’t have a pituitary tumor.  I’m so impressed and incredulous people can get pregnant naturally.  It just has not been something my body has a history of doing naturally. I’m not saying it won’t happen naturally (I’m always hopeful it will happen naturally every month), but a pregnancy conceived naturally hasn’t been in my history.

The only time I conceived was for two weeks in May and June.  I would be delivering my twins now or very soon had it worked out.  Even though my beta was very low, I still consider it a miscarriage because I carried two embryos (with none left to freeze) for two weeks.

I’m debating whether or not to get another lap to improve my chances.  I’m thinking of having it in March or April.  I’m waiting to see how the 8- to 10-week results of my thyroid medication dosage change turn out.  I want my thyroid to be optimal going into a lap.  My first and only lap was in November 2013. And I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and Hashimoto Thyroiditis in August 2014 – that’s 9 months of the fertile window erased because my thyroid was not working properly.  A practitioner told me that a thyroid that is not optimal for you is an effective form of birth control.  And I can attest to that.

I’m scared.  I don’t want my fallopian tubes taken out like what happened to my friend.  I told my RE in no uncertain terms that I did not want my fallopian tubes out.  I want all my body parts to remain intact.

I told the RESOLVE support group last week that I feel desperate.

I spent almost $1200 on this fertility coaching 16-week program with naturopathic physician Iva Keene.  I saw testimonies about women older than me with endometriosis (without a lap) and diminished ovarian reserve get pregnant after following her protocol.  That’s what literally sold me.  I’m not much of an impulsive buyer; however, I made an exception for this case.

I doubt I can blog much about the program because of the proprietary information.  I can say I’m in the middle of a detox.  And I’m learning a lot from her program so far.

Psalm 25:3A – “Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed.”

 

A Fruit 🍎 is a Mature Ovary

But, first, What I’m Googling Today:

TMI alert: “Pink creamy cervical fluid 10 dpo”  So far, I’m liking this thread, this threadthis thread, and this one.

I’m nervous today.  

I get new test results on Monday.

On Wednesday, I had what they call in the NaPro world “Peak plus 7 labs.”  Peak is the last day of egg white cervical or sensation of lubrication in the perineal body.  A “Peak plus 7” lab is pretty much a 7DPO/CD 21 progesterone test.

This time, the functional medicine doc ordered additional tests to the lab slip: DHEA-S, prolactin, sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG), AMH, and a marker for ovarian cancer.

Continue reading “A Fruit 🍎 is a Mature Ovary”

What We’re Going Through is Real

I believe this post will bless you.  Being in the middle of an infertility sojourn for four years and three months, I don’t share our struggles with a lot of people.  Mostly, because of the unsupportive reactions I get as a result of taking a huge step of putting myself out there and being vulnerable.  In the past, these have been the responses I’ve gotten as a result of showing my vulnerability:

“May the Lord’s will be done.”
“It may not happen.”
“You should adopt.”
“You need to be happy for other people.”

Rarely:

“It’s going to happen.”
“Be encouraged.”
“How are you feeling?”
“What are your next steps?”

I don’t want people to speak words not in alignment with the Holy Bible over and into my life.  I do want to adopt; however, I do want to experience pregnancy with my own eggs and husband’s sperm.

First of all, the Lord’s will is for us to be fruitful and multiply (Gen. 1:28). I also interpret His promises in Deuteronomy chapter 28 “…the fruit of your womb will be blessed” to include healthy ovaries in addition to healthy wombs and babies because fruit are mature ovaries.  So those with a diagnosis of low AMH and DOR, there’s always hope.  Hebrews 11:1 says “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things not seen.”  I declare that our ovaries are blessed and fruitful IJN.

God knows full well the pain of infertility.  That’s why He included the stories of Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Samson’s Mother, Hannah, the woman helped by prophet Elisha in the book of Kings, and Elizabeth in His word.  God knows our pain very well.  When someone tries to dismiss your emotional pain, know that God is there and is comforting you.

I do have a story.  During our corporate fasting for two weeks earlier in January, our church held prayer and worship services three times a week in addition to Sunday service.  I went to a Monday morning service at 6:00 a.m. to worship the Lord.  Only the lead pastor and another congregant were there.

Toward the end of the worship service, I started crying, thinking about the due date of the twins.  I made the mistake of crying and sharing at that place and time.  The pastor focused on other people getting pregnant, but not me. “What are you going to do when other people get pregnant?  You need to be happy for them.”

I’m not really good at sticking up for myself.

He continued, “You don’t want to be bitter and you need to be happy for other people.”

I get that people project their experiences and thoughts onto other people. It’s obvious the pastor went through a season where other people were blessed and he wasn’t.  He obviously was applying and projecting his experience to this particular situation.

The pastor refused to acknowledge my pain. Instead, he was more interested in painting me as a bitter Michal.  Michal, as you recall, was King David’s first wife and Saul’s daughter.  Michal was upset when she saw David dancing and the Lord closed her womb.  She was bitter.

I’m not bitter. I’ve made some significant strides.  Some which are documented on this blog already.  So, I don’t agree with his assessment that I’m a bitter person.  I’m not Michal.

I will delve into this topic of Michal and the biblical women who had a temporary sojourn in infertility on another day.

On the other hand, the congregant was much more supportive.  He said, “It’s going to happen. God is using your story for your ministry.  It’s going to be a powerful testimony.”

The congregant was more supportive than the pastor.  I’m very grateful for his encouraging and prophetic words.

The point of the story: Know that when people refuse to validate or acknowledge your pain, or try to dismiss the emotional turmoil of infertility, know that God is there and is comforting you.  He is collecting your tears and recording them in His ledger (Psalm 56). I know it’s hard, but try not to take the unsupportive person’s words to heart.  Instead, bury God’s promises in your heart.  One of them being Genesis 1:28 be fruitful and multiply.  His promises don’t exclude anyone.

I leave you with Psalm 126:5 – They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

God is good!

RI Update – Waiting on Blood Draw

My RE sent in the requisition form to Reprosource on January 6 or 9. 

I called Reprosource last week on January 17 to find out the status of the requisition. They said the only one they had on file was the ovarian reserve panel from August. 
I called again yesterday and they said they received the Couples Immunological Profile 2.0 requisition on January 19. 

Thanks to my insurance, I qualify for the Safe Guard program, which means I pay $1236 for my part of the Couples Immunological Profile 2.0 instead of $2400.  My hubby, on a different insurance plan, pays $375. There is a $142 processing fee which includes round trip shipping in dry ice and test kit instructions for the venopuncturist. 

I made an appointment with my RE for the blood draw.  Reprosource told me to notify them when I make the appointment. RE asked if I would be bringing the dry ice and test kit or if it would be mailed to them directly. I posed that question to Reprosource and I await a reply.    

I will have 17 vials of blood drawn, while hubby gets 3. I’m pretty sure 17 vials of blood will be a record for me.  

I didn’t  receive a confirmation that the dry ice and test instructions were sent to my RE for tomorrow’s blood draw. So I’m just assuming that it hasn’t been done yet.  The blood has to be drawn on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday, due to dry ice and roundtrip shipping. 
So I don’t know if Reprosource sent the dry ice and test kit to my RE for the blood draw.  I will find out tomorrow.